humor

joie · Gość

There was a couple that had been married for about 20 years, and the husband was beginning to have some health problems. They were not life threatening, but they did remind him that life is fragile.
One day, somewhat depressed, he asked his wife, "Honey, if I were to die, would you remarry?"
She replied, "Oh, don’t be silly. Don’t start thinking about dying. You are going to be fine."
But he pressed her, "I know, but really, do you think you would remarry?"
She said, "I think this is silly to talk about, but I guess I might. But I don’t think we should be talking like this."
He reflected a moment, "Maybe its silly, but I’ve been wondering. If you remarried, would you live with him here–in our house?"
Again she protested, "Don’t you think this kind of talk will just make you more depressed?"
"Please tell me," he urged.
"Well," she said, "its kind of hard to say, but I love our home, so I suppose we would live here."
He pressed on, "Do you think you would even sleep in our bed, where we have slept together?"
She replied, "Honey, I guess we would. I love that bed, and I am not sure I would want to throw it out. I probably would."
The husband asked, "Would you let him just take over; would you let him use my golf clubs?"
"No," the wife replied, "I wouldn’t do that."
"Why not?"
"Because he’s left handed."

joie · Gość

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ... mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice too my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I worked on a submarine for a while but the whole business went under.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I retired, and realized I was perfect for the job.